Just a few laughs!

[john_trickle]

[john_trickle]

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.

"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"

[john_trickle]

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

[john_trickle]

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating
enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking
about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if
they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen
bring up the subject of sex.
"Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way
you do," responds the Martian.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners
for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian
go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny,
weeny member - about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.
"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"
"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with
his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until
it's quite impressively long.
"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty
narrow...." "No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears.
With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire
measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.
The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go
their separate ways.
As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful.
How about you?"
"It was horrible," he replies, All I got was a headache.
All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and
pulling my ears."

[lanowoo]

A truck driver is cruising along when he spots a little yellow man standing in the middle of the road, crying. He brings the truck to a standstill, rolls down the window and asks the little man what's wrong.
"I'm yellow, I'm from Venus, I'm gay and I'm hungry," sobs the little man. "Well," says the trucker, "I can offer you a sandwich, but that's as much as I can do."

So he passes a sandwich to the little man and drives off. A while later, he has to stop again because there's a little red man in the middle of the road, crying. So he comes to a halt, rolls down the window and a bit more impatiently - asks the little man what the matter is.
"I'm red, I'm from Mars, I'm gay and I'm thirsty," the little man bawls. So the trucker says, "I can offer you a can of Coke, but that's as much as I can do." He hands a can of Coke down to the little man and drives off.

A little further on, the trucker spots a little blue man in the middle of the road. Really annoyed now, he stops, rolls down the window and snaps, "Yes, you silly little blue moffie, what fucking planet are you from and what do you want?"

The little man answers, "Your driver's license, please ....."

[john_trickle]

[john_trickle]

[john_trickle]

[john_trickle]

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
undone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
Not having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
moments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
was undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
into the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
her unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
open, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
responded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
bags"

[lanowoo]

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

[john_trickle]

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction
of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their
habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock
the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the
middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come
from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice Gazonas," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"

[john_trickle]

MasterCard for Men
Cover charge: $15.00
Round of drinks: $23.00
Table dance: $30.00
another round of drinks: $23.00
Couch dance and tips: $50.00
A round of shots: $34.00
Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00


Send her on her way and never have to hear her complain: priceless

There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, there's
MasterCard.

[john_trickle]

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the
bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and
panting.

"What's up?" he asks.

"I'm having a heart attack!" cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he is dialing, his 4-year
old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your wardrobe
and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his
screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his
brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.

''You bastard," says the husband. "My wife is having a heart attack and you're
running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!"

[john_trickle]

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had
written the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the
class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and
began her class.
The next day she went into the room and she saw, in larger letters, the word
'penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the
culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the
same word written on the board, and each day it was written in larger letters.

Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on
the board, but instead, found the words, "The more you rub it, the bigger it
gets!"

[lanowoo]

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'