Twenty Bucks
"Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny, "can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not!" answered his mother. "If you do," Little Johnny went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? what did he say?" "He said, 'Hey, Juanita, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.'"
Just a few laughs!
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john_trickle
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john_trickle
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I Like Your Thinking
I Like Your Thinking
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot"
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied,
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking."
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot"
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied,
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking."
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they found an antique oil-lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina colada and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of story: Always let your boss have the first say.
MMamdouh
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina colada and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of story: Always let your boss have the first say.
MMamdouh
Driving is the utmost fun you can have with your pants on!
Check out my ride: http://www.cardomain.com/ride/567267
Check out my ride: http://www.cardomain.com/ride/567267
> A indian man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he
> was the only dark skinned man there. As he sat down, he noticed a
> white man behind him. The white man said, "Colored people are not
> allowed here." The indian man turned around and stood up. He then
> said: "Listen sir....when I was born I was Brown,"
> "When I grew up
> I was Brown," "When I'm sick I'm Brown," "When I go in the sun I'm
> Brown," "When I'm cold I'm Brown," "When I die I'll be Brown." "But
> you sir." "When you're born you're pink," "When you grow up you're
> white," "When you're sick, you're green," "When you go in the sun you
> turn red," "When you're cold you turn blue," "And when you die you
> turn purple." "And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The indian
> man then sat back down and the white man walked away.
nick
> was the only dark skinned man there. As he sat down, he noticed a
> white man behind him. The white man said, "Colored people are not
> allowed here." The indian man turned around and stood up. He then
> said: "Listen sir....when I was born I was Brown,"
> "When I grew up
> I was Brown," "When I'm sick I'm Brown," "When I go in the sun I'm
> Brown," "When I'm cold I'm Brown," "When I die I'll be Brown." "But
> you sir." "When you're born you're pink," "When you grow up you're
> white," "When you're sick, you're green," "When you go in the sun you
> turn red," "When you're cold you turn blue," "And when you die you
> turn purple." "And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The indian
> man then sat back down and the white man walked away.
nick
save a tree, eat a beaver.
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john_trickle
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Shit
Shit
Little Johnny walks into his mothers room and hears the word SHIT! Johnny askes "What does that mean?" his mother says " Oh that means putting on makeup"
Little Johnny walkes into his two brothers room, they were fighting and calling each other dicks and pussys Johnny askes "what does that mean" and they said "it means hats and coats"
Little Johnney walks into the kitchen and he hears the word FUCK!
Johnny askes his dad "what does that mean" his dad says it means"stuffing the turkey"
then there was a knock on the door. Johnny opens it . his aunt and uncle were there. Johnny says to them " here let me take your dicks and pussys, moms upstairs putting shit on her face and dad's in the kitchen Fucking the turkey!
Little Johnny walks into his mothers room and hears the word SHIT! Johnny askes "What does that mean?" his mother says " Oh that means putting on makeup"
Little Johnny walkes into his two brothers room, they were fighting and calling each other dicks and pussys Johnny askes "what does that mean" and they said "it means hats and coats"
Little Johnney walks into the kitchen and he hears the word FUCK!
Johnny askes his dad "what does that mean" his dad says it means"stuffing the turkey"
then there was a knock on the door. Johnny opens it . his aunt and uncle were there. Johnny says to them " here let me take your dicks and pussys, moms upstairs putting shit on her face and dad's in the kitchen Fucking the turkey!
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john_trickle
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Catholic School
Catholic School
Little Johnny was failing his classes so his mom decided to put him in a Catholic
school. About a month later when Little Johnny's mom recieved his report card he got all A's and B's.
Astonished, Little Johnny's mom asked him "How did you get all these good grades?"Little Johnny replied "Well, when I saw the man hanging from the cross I knew they meant business!"
Little Johnny was failing his classes so his mom decided to put him in a Catholic
school. About a month later when Little Johnny's mom recieved his report card he got all A's and B's.
Astonished, Little Johnny's mom asked him "How did you get all these good grades?"Little Johnny replied "Well, when I saw the man hanging from the cross I knew they meant business!"
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john_trickle
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Courting
Courting
Little Johnny was 12 years old and, like other boys his age, was rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about "courting" from older boys and he wondered what it was like and how it was done. One day he took this question to his mother who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, his mother told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did.
The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mom. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile then he turned off most of the lights. He then started hugging and kissing her. I figured Sis must be getting sick because her face started to look funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart just like the doctor would do. He was not as smart as a doctor because he seemed to be having trouble finding it. "I guess he was getting sick too because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it in her skirt. About this time Sis got worse and began to moan and groan and squirm around and slide down towards the end of the couch. This is when the fever started. "I knew it was the fever because Sis said she felt real hot. Finally I found out what was making them so sick. A big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest. Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. "When Sis saw it, she got real scared, her eyes got big and her mouth fell open and started calling to God and stuff. She said it was the biggest one she ever saw...... I should have told her about the one down at the lake. "Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she made a noise and let the eel go. I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while her boyfriend took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel`s head to keep it from biting again. "Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it and he helped by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess he wanted to kill it by squeezing it between them. "After a while they both quit moving and a great sigh came forth. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, the eel was dead. I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp with some of its insides hanging out. "Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle but they went on courting anyways. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly the eel wasn`t dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats with 9-lives. "This time Sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After 35 minutes of struggling, they finally killed it. I knew it was dead because I saw Sis`s boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet....."
Little Johnny was 12 years old and, like other boys his age, was rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about "courting" from older boys and he wondered what it was like and how it was done. One day he took this question to his mother who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, his mother told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did.
The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mom. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile then he turned off most of the lights. He then started hugging and kissing her. I figured Sis must be getting sick because her face started to look funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart just like the doctor would do. He was not as smart as a doctor because he seemed to be having trouble finding it. "I guess he was getting sick too because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it in her skirt. About this time Sis got worse and began to moan and groan and squirm around and slide down towards the end of the couch. This is when the fever started. "I knew it was the fever because Sis said she felt real hot. Finally I found out what was making them so sick. A big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest. Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. "When Sis saw it, she got real scared, her eyes got big and her mouth fell open and started calling to God and stuff. She said it was the biggest one she ever saw...... I should have told her about the one down at the lake. "Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she made a noise and let the eel go. I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while her boyfriend took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel`s head to keep it from biting again. "Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it and he helped by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess he wanted to kill it by squeezing it between them. "After a while they both quit moving and a great sigh came forth. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, the eel was dead. I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp with some of its insides hanging out. "Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle but they went on courting anyways. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly the eel wasn`t dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats with 9-lives. "This time Sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After 35 minutes of struggling, they finally killed it. I knew it was dead because I saw Sis`s boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet....."
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john_trickle
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Stupid
Stupid
One day theres a couple of kids in a phycology class. The teacher stands up and says to the class "stand up if u think you're stupid!" after about 5 minutes Little Johnny stood up and the teacher says "do you think you're stupid Johnny?"
To which Little Johnny replies "No miss i just hate to see you standing there all by yourself!!!"
One day theres a couple of kids in a phycology class. The teacher stands up and says to the class "stand up if u think you're stupid!" after about 5 minutes Little Johnny stood up and the teacher says "do you think you're stupid Johnny?"
To which Little Johnny replies "No miss i just hate to see you standing there all by yourself!!!"
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Audacity Racing
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john_trickle
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"Yo Mama Jokes "
So Greasy
Yo mama so greasy, you could fry a chicken dinner for 12 on her forehead.
Yo mama so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!
Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco!
Yo mama so greasy, her freckles slipped off.
Yo mama so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her
Yo mama so greasy, she sweats butter and syrup and has a full time job at Denny's wiping pancakes across her forehead.
Yo mama so greasy, she squeezes Crisco from her hair to bake cookies.
Yo mama so greasy, when she slid into second she ended in Detroit.
Yo mama so greasy, you could fry a chicken dinner for 12 on her forehead.
Yo mama so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!
Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco!
Yo mama so greasy, her freckles slipped off.
Yo mama so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her
Yo mama so greasy, she sweats butter and syrup and has a full time job at Denny's wiping pancakes across her forehead.
Yo mama so greasy, she squeezes Crisco from her hair to bake cookies.
Yo mama so greasy, when she slid into second she ended in Detroit.
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john_trickle
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"Yo Mama Jokes "
So Lazy
Yo mama so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.
Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!
Yo mama so lazy that she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.
Yo mama so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.
Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!
Yo mama so lazy that she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.
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john_trickle
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3 men and a river
One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.
The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." *Poof!* God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times.
Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength ..and the tools to cross this river." *Poof!*
God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.
The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools...And the intelligence... To cross this river." And *Poof!* God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.
The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." *Poof!* God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times.
Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength ..and the tools to cross this river." *Poof!*
God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.
The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools...And the intelligence... To cross this river." And *Poof!* God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.