to kiwis come to australia they walk past a police station and one kiwi notices on the wanted board 2 itialian men wanted for rape one kiwi looks at the other kiwi and says how come they always get the good jobs.
john
Just a few laughs!
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john_trickle
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john_trickle
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ding dong
Ding Dong priest is walking down the street one day when he notices our Little Johnny trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, Little Johnny is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching Little Johnny efforts for some time, the priest steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which Little Johnny replies, "Now we run!"
After watching Little Johnny efforts for some time, the priest steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which Little Johnny replies, "Now we run!"
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john_trickle
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fffffff
fffffff
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says. "Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The neighbors' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "F--K OFF!", the dog ate him!"
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says. "Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The neighbors' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "F--K OFF!", the dog ate him!"
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john_trickle
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Beautiful
Beautiful
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, ...just fucking beautiful!
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, ...just fucking beautiful!
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john_trickle
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Can I
Can I
Little Johnny sees his grandfather smoking and asks if can he try. The old man says "can you touch your ass with your dick yet?" "No" says johnny. "Then you can't have one" says his grandad.
Then the old geezer is drinking alcohol. Johnny asks can he have some. But he can't as he couldn't touch his ass with his dick yet. Later Johnny is eating cookies and his grandfather asks can he have some. Johnny asks,"Can you touch your ass with your dick yet?" Why of course I can replies the grandfather. Johnny quickly replied "THEN GO F**K YOURSELF!"
Little Johnny sees his grandfather smoking and asks if can he try. The old man says "can you touch your ass with your dick yet?" "No" says johnny. "Then you can't have one" says his grandad.
Then the old geezer is drinking alcohol. Johnny asks can he have some. But he can't as he couldn't touch his ass with his dick yet. Later Johnny is eating cookies and his grandfather asks can he have some. Johnny asks,"Can you touch your ass with your dick yet?" Why of course I can replies the grandfather. Johnny quickly replied "THEN GO F**K YOURSELF!"
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john_trickle
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New Teacher
New Teacher
A young woman, (a new teacher) was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students.
She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,"What's so funny Billy?"
"Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an all out laugh from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.
"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"
A young woman, (a new teacher) was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students.
She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,"What's so funny Billy?"
"Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an all out laugh from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.
"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"
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john_trickle
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Passed Away
Passed Away
Little Johnny went out into the garden and saw her cat Snuggles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. He fetched his Dad to look at Snuggles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could,
"I'm afraid Snuggles is dead, Johnny."
"So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Little Johnny as he fought back tears.
At a loss for words the father replied, "Snuggles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Snuggles right up to heaven."
Little Johnny seemed to take his Snuggles' death quite well upon hearing what his father said. However, two days later when his father came home from work, Johnny had tears in his eyes once more and said: "Mommy almost died this morning."
Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook his son and shouted, "How do you mean Johnny? Tell Daddy!"
"Well", mumbled Johnny, "soon after you left for work this morning I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, "Oh Jesus!!! I'm coming, I'm coming!!!" and if it hadn't been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy".
Little Johnny went out into the garden and saw her cat Snuggles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. He fetched his Dad to look at Snuggles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could,
"I'm afraid Snuggles is dead, Johnny."
"So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Little Johnny as he fought back tears.
At a loss for words the father replied, "Snuggles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Snuggles right up to heaven."
Little Johnny seemed to take his Snuggles' death quite well upon hearing what his father said. However, two days later when his father came home from work, Johnny had tears in his eyes once more and said: "Mommy almost died this morning."
Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook his son and shouted, "How do you mean Johnny? Tell Daddy!"
"Well", mumbled Johnny, "soon after you left for work this morning I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, "Oh Jesus!!! I'm coming, I'm coming!!!" and if it hadn't been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy".
little johnny is killing me :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
MMamdouh
MMamdouh
Driving is the utmost fun you can have with your pants on!
Check out my ride: http://www.cardomain.com/ride/567267
Check out my ride: http://www.cardomain.com/ride/567267
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john_trickle
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more of johnny
Birds and Bees
Little Johnny's father came to him one day and said, "It's time we had a talk about the birds and the bees."
Little Johnny replied, "Oh no! First you tell me there's no Santa Claus then to tell me there's no Easter Bunny. If you're going to tell me there's no such thing as sex, I'll have noting to live for!"
Little Johnny's father came to him one day and said, "It's time we had a talk about the birds and the bees."
Little Johnny replied, "Oh no! First you tell me there's no Santa Claus then to tell me there's no Easter Bunny. If you're going to tell me there's no such thing as sex, I'll have noting to live for!"
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john_trickle
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Candy Bars
Candy Bars
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat."
Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own business!"
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat."
Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own business!"
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john_trickle
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Facial Cream
Facial Cream
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.
"Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother.
A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.
"Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother.
A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
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john_trickle
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Gift for the Teacher
this is for you habib
Gift for the Teacher
On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," Little Johnny answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," he answered.
Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"
Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"
Gift for the Teacher
On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," Little Johnny answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," he answered.
Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"
Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"
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john_trickle
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New Watch
New Watch
Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.
"Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked. "Nope," Jimmy replied. "Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked. "Nope."
"You didn't steal it, did you?" "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they 'doing the nasty'.
Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me. Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch.
He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents' room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.
Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily; "What do you want now?"
"I wanna watch," Johnny replied. Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and keep quiet, then."
Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.
"Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked. "Nope," Jimmy replied. "Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked. "Nope."
"You didn't steal it, did you?" "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they 'doing the nasty'.
Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me. Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch.
He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents' room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.
Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily; "What do you want now?"
"I wanna watch," Johnny replied. Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and keep quiet, then."
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john_trickle
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Nice Bike
Nice Bike
A little boy was riding his bicycle to school when a policeman stopped him.
"That's a nice bicycle you've got there," said the policeman. "Did Santa give it to you?"
"Yes," replied the little boy.
"Next time, could you ask Santa to put a red reflector on the back, because I'm going to give you a ticket."
The little looked at the policeman's horse, and said:
"Nice horse, did Santa give it to you?"
The policeman laughed, and said:
"Yes."
"Then next time could you ask him to put the dick UNDER the horse instead of ON it."
A little boy was riding his bicycle to school when a policeman stopped him.
"That's a nice bicycle you've got there," said the policeman. "Did Santa give it to you?"
"Yes," replied the little boy.
"Next time, could you ask Santa to put a red reflector on the back, because I'm going to give you a ticket."
The little looked at the policeman's horse, and said:
"Nice horse, did Santa give it to you?"
The policeman laughed, and said:
"Yes."
"Then next time could you ask him to put the dick UNDER the horse instead of ON it."
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john_trickle
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You Can't Have One!
You Can't Have One!
One day, when Little Johnny came home from school, his mom bought him a new basketball. He went over to the new neighbors house and a little girl came out. Little Johnny said, my mommy bought me a new basketball, and you can't have one!"
The next day the little girl had a new basketball. Then, Little Johnny's mommy bought him a new bike. Little Johnnypromptly took it over to the little girls house, and when the little girl came out he boasted "Ha Ha mommy bought me a new bike and you can't have one".
The next day the little girl had a new bike. Frustrated, Little Johnny took the little girl out back, pulled down his pants and said " I got one of these and mommy said that you cant have one!" In defiance, the little girl pulled up her skirt and said "mommy said as long as I have one of these I can have all those I want!
One day, when Little Johnny came home from school, his mom bought him a new basketball. He went over to the new neighbors house and a little girl came out. Little Johnny said, my mommy bought me a new basketball, and you can't have one!"
The next day the little girl had a new basketball. Then, Little Johnny's mommy bought him a new bike. Little Johnnypromptly took it over to the little girls house, and when the little girl came out he boasted "Ha Ha mommy bought me a new bike and you can't have one".
The next day the little girl had a new bike. Frustrated, Little Johnny took the little girl out back, pulled down his pants and said " I got one of these and mommy said that you cant have one!" In defiance, the little girl pulled up her skirt and said "mommy said as long as I have one of these I can have all those I want!