There was a a farmer once that owned a huge farm with plenty of land, and everything he needed.On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm,
he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Z-3 series BMW. Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented
best buddies, best pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out,
Saving his life. The moral of the story? When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks
Just a few laughs!
Moderators: daewoomofo, Moderators Group
-
Audacity Racing
- moron
- Posts: 4493
- Joined: Wed Dec 08, 2004 5:18 am
- Location: Knoxville, Tennessee
- Contact:
:lmao:
MMamdouh
MMamdouh
Driving is the utmost fun you can have with your pants on!
Check out my ride: http://www.cardomain.com/ride/567267
Check out my ride: http://www.cardomain.com/ride/567267
Lebanese Intelligence
A Lebanese and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun-game.
The Lebanese, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa." Again, the Lebanese declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."
This gets the guy's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Lebanese doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn."
So the Lebanese asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The American thinks about it. No answer.
Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer!
He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers. Checks the input. All to no avail!
Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Lebanese and hands him $500.
The Lebanese thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.
The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the Lebanese and asks,
"Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Lebanese reaches into his wallet, hands the American $5, and goes back to sleep!
MMamdouh
A Lebanese and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun-game.
The Lebanese, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa." Again, the Lebanese declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."
This gets the guy's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Lebanese doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn."
So the Lebanese asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The American thinks about it. No answer.
Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer!
He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers. Checks the input. All to no avail!
Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Lebanese and hands him $500.
The Lebanese thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.
The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the Lebanese and asks,
"Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Lebanese reaches into his wallet, hands the American $5, and goes back to sleep!
MMamdouh
Driving is the utmost fun you can have with your pants on!
Check out my ride: http://www.cardomain.com/ride/567267
Check out my ride: http://www.cardomain.com/ride/567267
-
Audacity Racing
- moron
- Posts: 4493
- Joined: Wed Dec 08, 2004 5:18 am
- Location: Knoxville, Tennessee
- Contact:
Choosing a wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three
likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to
see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her
hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very
nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more
attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of
golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.
As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money
on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times
the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a
joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future
because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the
money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on
Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large
elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no
recollection of what to do with them.
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three
likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to
see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her
hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very
nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more
attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of
golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.
As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money
on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times
the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a
joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future
because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the
money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on
Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large
elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no
recollection of what to do with them.
:lmao: 
-
Audacity Racing
- moron
- Posts: 4493
- Joined: Wed Dec 08, 2004 5:18 am
- Location: Knoxville, Tennessee
- Contact:
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
MMamdouh
MMamdouh
Driving is the utmost fun you can have with your pants on!
Check out my ride: http://www.cardomain.com/ride/567267
Check out my ride: http://www.cardomain.com/ride/567267
Italy vs EU
http://www.piep001.de/PIEP001/Sites/European_Italy.htm
BTW this vid works for Egypt as well... maybe even better than Italy.
MMamdouh
http://www.piep001.de/PIEP001/Sites/European_Italy.htm
BTW this vid works for Egypt as well... maybe even better than Italy.
MMamdouh
Driving is the utmost fun you can have with your pants on!
Check out my ride: http://www.cardomain.com/ride/567267
Check out my ride: http://www.cardomain.com/ride/567267
Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after
his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a
brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.
The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti
shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and
a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the Shepherd:
"If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you
give me one of them?"
The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks
at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies:
"Okay."
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to
the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the
ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel
tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then
prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-
printer. He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have
exactly 1,586 sheep here."
The shepherd cheers," That's correct, you can have
your sheep."
The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back
of his Porsche.
The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your
profession, will you return my animal to me?"
The young man answers, "Yes, why not". The shepherd
says, "You are an IT consultant ".
"How did you know?" asks the young man.
"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came
here without being called. Second, you charged me a
fee to tell me something which I already knew, and third,
you don't understand anything about my business...
Now can I have my DOG back?"
his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a
brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.
The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti
shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and
a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the Shepherd:
"If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you
give me one of them?"
The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks
at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies:
"Okay."
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to
the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the
ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel
tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then
prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-
printer. He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have
exactly 1,586 sheep here."
The shepherd cheers," That's correct, you can have
your sheep."
The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back
of his Porsche.
The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your
profession, will you return my animal to me?"
The young man answers, "Yes, why not". The shepherd
says, "You are an IT consultant ".
"How did you know?" asks the young man.
"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came
here without being called. Second, you charged me a
fee to tell me something which I already knew, and third,
you don't understand anything about my business...
Now can I have my DOG back?"
Driving is the utmost fun you can have with your pants on!
Check out my ride: http://www.cardomain.com/ride/567267
Check out my ride: http://www.cardomain.com/ride/567267
-
Audacity Racing
- moron
- Posts: 4493
- Joined: Wed Dec 08, 2004 5:18 am
- Location: Knoxville, Tennessee
- Contact:
Ricers Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas and caught at the light,
Was a domestic V8 and no cops in sight,
I will try, I will try, I will try with this small motor,
To beat this dang Charger, even with it's big blower,
As light goes green and I pull like no joke,
The Charger erupts in clouds of tire smoke,
Now Smasher, now Rev-ver, now Stroker, now Blitzin,
These are the names of my four VTEC pistons,
Racing ahead I'm the Star of the action,
But I know I'm in trouble when that V8 gets traction,
Grabbing second, I hear the RPM sing, My mirror is blocked by my Shopping Kart Wing,
I now hear the roar, of that big monster gaining,
All I can do is keep that four-banger straining,
In a second, the shockwave hits with a blast,
And my stickers go flying now,
a thing of the past,
Don't bother with third, cause now it's too late,
Just try to act cool, like you can relate,
Looking up at the taillights as they get smaller,
The driver backs off just to give me a holler,
"You can't win them all," he says in fling,
"You may not win any," in that silly thing,
I smiled and revved as he pulled out of sight,
With my new mods tomorrow...it will be a better night.
Twas the night before Christmas and caught at the light,
Was a domestic V8 and no cops in sight,
I will try, I will try, I will try with this small motor,
To beat this dang Charger, even with it's big blower,
As light goes green and I pull like no joke,
The Charger erupts in clouds of tire smoke,
Now Smasher, now Rev-ver, now Stroker, now Blitzin,
These are the names of my four VTEC pistons,
Racing ahead I'm the Star of the action,
But I know I'm in trouble when that V8 gets traction,
Grabbing second, I hear the RPM sing, My mirror is blocked by my Shopping Kart Wing,
I now hear the roar, of that big monster gaining,
All I can do is keep that four-banger straining,
In a second, the shockwave hits with a blast,
And my stickers go flying now,
a thing of the past,
Don't bother with third, cause now it's too late,
Just try to act cool, like you can relate,
Looking up at the taillights as they get smaller,
The driver backs off just to give me a holler,
"You can't win them all," he says in fling,
"You may not win any," in that silly thing,
I smiled and revved as he pulled out of sight,
With my new mods tomorrow...it will be a better night.
No Seapka English,
A bus stops and tow Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first,
but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the
following :
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den tow asses come together. I come once
-a-more. Tow asses, they come togather again. I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time. "
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," reported the lady indignantly. " In
this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex
lives......."
"Hey, coola down lady," said one of the men. "Who talkin' abouta sexa?
I'm a justa tellin' my friend how to spella 'Mississippi."
MMamdouh
A bus stops and tow Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first,
but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the
following :
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den tow asses come together. I come once
-a-more. Tow asses, they come togather again. I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time. "
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," reported the lady indignantly. " In
this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex
lives......."
"Hey, coola down lady," said one of the men. "Who talkin' abouta sexa?
I'm a justa tellin' my friend how to spella 'Mississippi."
MMamdouh
Driving is the utmost fun you can have with your pants on!
Check out my ride: http://www.cardomain.com/ride/567267
Check out my ride: http://www.cardomain.com/ride/567267
-
Audacity Racing
- moron
- Posts: 4493
- Joined: Wed Dec 08, 2004 5:18 am
- Location: Knoxville, Tennessee
- Contact:
